Who does this happen to? Who else has a story like this? What. The. Hell.

I own a small gas grill. I use it nearly every day. I grill year-round, from meats to fishes to fruits and frenchtoast. Everything tastes better cooked on a grill. It is easy. It requires little daily clean up and maintanence. It heats quickly and evenly. I am a grilling fool.

Until today.

Today I stepped onto my balcony intending to light the grill. Porkchops had been marinating in my fridge for about thirty-six hours. As I removed the grill top I hit the side of the grill. I took one step backward and barely started to turn and crouch to put the grill top down and turn on the gas before pushing the ignitor button. I didn't complete the turn and crouch. I did, however, take several rapid steps backward towards the sliding door, frantically using the grill top as a shield against the numerous BEES flying my way. BEES! I slid the door open behind me, and banged the grill top against the door frame that was wide enough to accomodate my body without the wider grill top. The bees advanced. I dropped the grill top on the balcony and slammed the sliding door, retreating into the cool, bee-free living room.

Eventually, I calmed down.

Then, later, after BAKING the porkchops in the oven, I ventured again to the balcony to replace the grill top. I did it slowly without touching the sides of the grill. I crouched and peered and saw the fourth worst site of my life. An active, live BEE NEST IN MY FREGGIN GRILL! IN MY GRILL! I ask again: WHO ELSE DOES THIS HAPPEN TO? WHAT. THE. HELL.

Picture a small, cylinder shaped grill with a base and three metal legs. On the base is the small gas tank. The grill bottom is screwed into the three legs, as is the base. A rubber tube runs from the gas tank to the inside of a leg, where it attaches to pipe. This pipe "L's" 90 degrees upward and connects through a hole in the grill bottom. A small wire runs from the the hole to the same leg and attaches to an ignitor button. This is all hidden inside a leg, behind a black, metallic bracket of sorts with the appropriate holes and slots. Inside this metallic braket is a queen bee, drones, and larvae. When I hit the side of the grill they came flying out of that to attack me. When I went back out I peered in, hesitantly, and witnessed my very first live bee colony up close. A truly treasured experience, I assure you.

I know, or I think I know, what I must do. I have to purchase some sort of bee killing spray. Whatever promises maximum killing power is the one I will buy. I must disconnect the gas line that runs, basically, INTO THE DAMN BEE NEST. I must wait until cover of darkness when the bees are supposed to be at rest. I must spray to holy death this thing plaguing my grill. I must then disasemble the metallic bracket the following day...unless I spray again the next day, to make sure. I must HOPE that everything is dead and my grill uncontaminated. I must clean off whatever is left.

Goddamnit.

What. The. F***.