its wednesday night and i've got to write something here and then its off to bed. lazy night. i actually didn't do much work tonight. graded a little, planned a little, but fell asleep during the simpsons. i just couldn't work when i finally got home after school today. my body just shut down. week 9 halfway done and I find myself even more tired than usual, struggling through my days. frankly i think i've sucked at most of the things i've done with the seniors, but carole hasn't been there to see it so I have gotten away with it. oh, we do stuff, worksheets, vocabulary, and a project, but i'm struggling each day to find something to do. I guess that's the problem when you don't teach from a text and the course doesn't have a theme to follow. i haven't hit my stride at all with them.

carole thinks i should give teaching a try after i graduate, she says how proud she is of me and how well i've been doing. course i don't see it. all i see are my failures and shortcomings. lately we've gotten to know each other a little more personally and she offers me all this advise on things in my life and her concern is appreciated but its also not necessary. i wish she stuck to the teaching issues more. i find myself with a million things to do at all times and no energy to do them when i actually get the chance. what happens is that you are so tired when you come home that you can't think of running your errands or making your calls. plus all the places you need to call are closed by then anyway. and when you get home you've got planning and grading to do. i forget to do so many things because all I can think about is the teaching.

i'm still bothered that i've received no help from any other administration concerning brandon. what a crock of crap. he's obviously having trouble readjusting to school, and I haven't seen anything close to a smile from him. he's working hard to catch up but i see how tired he is and i see the struggle in him as he fights to keep his emotions in check. there's some demons in that kid and we're asking him to make up weeks of work, final exams he missed, and deal with feeling like all eyes are on him. and he's supposed to be getting better in this situation? if he's in school all day, in swimming after school, then homework at night, when is getting therapy? it's obvious that brandon needs serious long term professional therapy regarding the issues in his life. and yet the message being sent is that what's more important are chemistry and speech classes? I'd just like to see him smile on day.

right now i'm struggling with speech. carole has offered a lot of guidance, and she's taken a larger role in those classes. its still hard when you are give something to teach what you've never had before and that you aren't technically qualified to teach. its good that I get the experience to do it but i sometimes don't know the answer to certain questions and i don't know how to set certain things up. its hard always feeling like you're at step 1 after almost 9 weeks.