Since I became a teacher I've had this block on my memory that prevents me from recalling what 8th grade felt like. until yesterday. some of it came flying back to me as I chaperoned the school's 8th grade field trip to Indiana beach on Thursday. I remembered the drama of a 14 year old, the constant need for attention and affection and validation, the inability to think before speaking, and manipulating situations to get what you want. I hated high school because I didn't fit in and fitting in meant everything. If possible I was even more invisible in junior high. Seeing how kids distort the truth to get people to feel sorry for them vexed me. it caught me off guard. perhaps I should be a bit more specific.

my day started getting interesting when we got off the bus. one of my students on another bus threw up on the way done. I'll call this student "Student A" for privacy reasons. student a is diabetic and their blood sugar readings were really high. student a couldn't walk and was afraid to move for fear of more vomiting. we tried bits of food and lots of water but instead we got more vomiting and increasing blood sugar numbers. so to the hospital we go. by the time the paramedics arrived student a had gone into some sort of diabetic shock, grown very pale, and aligned themselves with the floor of the bathroom. eventually student a was admitted to the hospital and received proper medical treatment. that was the only time I was truly scared all day, because we could not get student a's body to achieve any sort of equilibrium.

later on in the day I started to enjoy myself until disaster found me again in the form of students b and c. they forced me on a ride and each got sick at different points afterward. student b was first to achieve a state of bizzare illness. after the ride student b started shaking violently, crying, and had trouble walking. eventually, and with the help of knowledgeable people, water, shade, and rest, student b calmed down slightly. however, student b would not leave me alone. she asked to sit with me on the bus I chaperoned b/c she was so scared and would rather be with me than anyone else. so on the bus ride back student b proceeds to tell me details of the horror they endured the previous year, including various kinds of abuse from different people, suicide attempts, etc. I didn't think much of it at the time because when I turned around student c had her head between her legs. she had grown suddenly ill and felt seriously nauseous. I managed to keep things together until we arrived at school at 7:30, a full hour behind schedule, and found parents to take these sick kids. today, however, after thought and reflection I realize that student b may not have been as sick as they made out. oh, I don't doubt that student b felt ill and perhaps a bit scared by their instability. I do doubt, however, student b's level of fear and sickness. the theory proposed today was that student b may have been caught up in creating a dramatic situation to gain the attention of others, specifically me, and fell into their own problems head first. it seems I made a mistake reaching out months ago to what I presumed a troubled student who needed a lift because it has turned into an uncomfortable attachment that is evident to most. now I find myself avoiding student b and all conversational attempts they make with me.

i'm glad student a received enough care to warrant release from the hospital and I'm proud that we did the best we could for her with the resources available. however, I wish I'd never strayed from my groups of teacher friends and fallen into the intense drama of 14 year old students with crushes.