I am a tempest of swirling thoughts.

Tonight I watched Hotel Rwanda. Given my intense interest in Africa, particularly the horrible western-backed dictators that run countries like Rwanda, Congo, and others, the film seemed like it would appeal to my sensibilities. I am surprised I am currently functioning.

If I had tears to shed they would fill the sea, if I had words to express my hurt, my outrage I would shout them until my throat bled and the sky echoed with my voice. But there aren't enough tears for Rwanda, and the words fail to convey such atrocities. Horror movies do not scare me; films like this one do because they are real. The real terror is not the monster hiding behind the door or ghost haunting your house, it's the evil that lies in the hearts of Man, evil to commit the most heinous acts, and the evil that allows witnesses to stand and watch and do nothing. I hated nearly every moment of the film and I kept checking the counter on the DVD player, and I knew I'd feel this way. Cleverly, the filmmakers do not show the graphic scenes of brutality as the film is not truly about that. As Roger Ebert said, it is impossible to show one million murders, so instead show us the story of how those murders affected one man. People need to know about this movie and this man and this genocide, and if it generates outrage or questions or discussions or interest in what happened in Rwanda in 1994 or an exploration of the U.S.'s foreign policy in developing nations, then Don Cheadle and the writers and directors deserve all the credit for making a successful film.

The books I have read about Rwanda, Congo, and Ethiopia sent me reeling and disgusted me more than anything else I've ever read. The image of the bodies in the church in Rwanda after the Hutus had passed through stays with me several months after reading it in a book called A Season of Blood. The movie did not have the same effect, but seeing hatred and indifference and suffering and innocence embodied so well on film incites anger. Certainly, if nothing else, this film is superbly cast and every performance is outstanding, first class.

Almost 1 million people died in 100 days. Merely typing those figures shocks me. And I still don't know how to go about my life, how to function while knowing about Rwanda, about those million people, and the other nearly 500,000 refugees killed after the genocide ended, those refugees staying in U.N. camps and walking the entire length of the country Congo. Six million Jews, 1 million Tutsis, and how many other incomprehensible numbers could we add? Now tell me how we go about our little lives so very far away. Tragedy should have a different meaning now.