i've nearly given up hope for another job. i'm simply tired of fighting to be in my own life, fighting to even have time to change anything. i wonder if that's just another excuse. anyway, i totally want to do some tae bo, remember that guy? i have this huge desire to blast some music over his motivational chants and kick and punch my way to fitness. i am completely interested in colors. vivacity. and i think there is something serious wrong with my dog. new dishnetwork cable package will be the death of my intelligence. now i know why americans are stupid. adjust to life outside of college on a permanent basis is harder than i thought it would be. russel simmons def poetry is actually not that bad, with some interesting yet angry poets. i guess the time for self-indulgent sappy poetry went out with the like of sylvia plath. i drink almost nothing but water all day long. i love writing i miss writing i want to be better at finishing and developing stories yet i feel too lost and out of my life to get in the zone of writing. i need to read, my god. most of the learning i've down in lfie has been a result of something i read and here i am, not reading any novels or stories. i see now how people get stagnant. without school, how do people learn? where do they get the motivation to learn without the grades? without classes to discuss issues, how can one entertain new thoughts? well, the good news is that with TV so dominant, we don't have to think any more, just push buttons. devolution. sailing is worth the effort. how i marvel at my grandparents! they were farmers. good people, God fearing. and never questioned their station in life. just did what was to be done, did what had to be done. up there, saxon wisconsin, back then when they were young, you farmed, followed what your father did. did the work. their place wasn't to question and ponder, search and pontificate, write and blabble about. what exemplorary people! fun comes in being a carpenter for awhile. but with a gimp wrist? and teaching english in england? i'd get paid for that?