been a long time since i've posted. i wonder if anyone besides dan and sarah actually still check my site. to catch all of the blog-reading world up, after my cousin's death my mom broke her knee falling in a restaurant in Iowa and had surgery. she's facing a 12 week recovery. since her fall i've been taking care of her, helping to get her to the bathroom, up and down stairs, cook meals, clean house, help her get dressed, run errands, pay the bills, etc. i think i now know what its like to really care for someone, not about but FOR, similar to what it must be like to have a child. its exhausting every hour of the day and i'm positive i'm not even close to being ready or self-less enough to think about a family. many people my age that i know are getting married and having children, but thankfully I AM NOT.

i seem to have lost touch with most people except for dan. i get these occassional catch-up sessions when i can spare half a day away from home. i started smoking about a month ago but my brother and i have resolved to quit now that its july, with the symbolic act of throwing our cancer sticks in the trash last night. i haven't looked for a job, I haven't written anything new. i find that TIME is going by at the fastest rate i've ever felt, but i'm totally removed from my own life. if that makes any sense. july 4th coming up but like Dan, i don't feel at all like celebrating this country. though i do enjoy the freedoms it provides, so perhaps criticizing from within makes me a coward.

for god's sake, i'm watching Water World on USA, WHAT HAS MY LIFE BECOME?!? i need to think of more interesting things to write.