i had a great desire to write here earlier but its late and i'm really tired. i'm feeling low again. i had a good day, and after work i got all this energy and i felt happy and energetic, despite my oncoming sickness. managed to pick up a cough tonight! anyway. so all the energy i had just went flying out of me somewhere between eating dinner with giles and randy and hanging out with gina. that leaves me feeling like crap now with a very sore throat and needing sleep.

i want to say this, however: i'm searching for answers, that's what I'm doing. in everyone and everywhere i search for any speck of an objective truth but the thing is, there are no answers for me. i just hope that while i'm over here on my inner pilgrimage to discover and save my damaged self i don't miss out on all the life going around me. i've already missed so much already.

"Life is what happens while your busy making other plans..." I think John Lennon put that in a song.

I should mention something about how awesome Gina was to me tonight. She listens, she rocks. She lets me sour her good mood and keeps smiling at me and doesn't but in with things to say, she listens. Maybe she doesn't have answers for me, but no one does. People who say they don't have regrets are lying to you or themselves. I wish I had made more of an effort to be a friend to her, to hang out with her and get more involved in her life. It took 3 years of knowing each other for us to become friends, and that's a shame because I think of all the wasted time. I'm just glad I know her now and that we've gotten close. Somehow I doubt we'll have much of a friendship after I leave Laffy, if only because she's not the best at keeping in touch with people. So if she didn't email me much, i wouldn't email her much, and it becomes like so many other failed friendships I've experienced, nearly all with female friends. I wonder if that means anything. Still, I'll do whatever I can to make sure we stay in each other's lives...she makes me smile to much to ever let her go like that.