we are creatures of habit. we get used to doing certain things, to seeing certain people. even those of us who despise order and routine create patterns in our lives. we go specific places at specific times each day; we come to expect specific things (or feelings) from people; we take a particular way to work or class or the mall each time we go there; when we go running we always run to this one place; we do this many reps of this much weight; we take this amount of these vitamins each morning; we take these other pills after meals at such and such a time of day; we pay rent the first or last of the month or middle; we check or email every lunch break; we write in our journals each night with a cup of cocoa and thought-provoking music on with candles lit; we write stories in this specific format. i could on and on. nearly everything we do seems to become a habit, a series of specific elements that are always there when we do a certain thing. habits are not all bad. its good to take vitamins every morning, take blood pressure meds on time during the day after meals, pay your rent on time, develop a comfortable system for working out, etc. i think the biggest problem with habits occurs when we get attatched to people.

there is not a harder habit to break than the habit of a person. you can quit smoking, stop eating carbohydrates, cut down your swearing, and cut down your television watching with moderate difficulty, but they all still can be done. there are programs and books on how to do them. in contrast, how you quit a loved one? how do you cut down on feeling loved by someone? how you do you stop feeling close to someone, stop feeling the role a person plays in your life? i have yet to see a book or 12 step program on this one (tho I'm sure Oprah's Dr. Phil has a book forthcoming all about it). i know of no other way to move on from a person in your life than to get busy living. i don't think you ever fill the void someone leaves in you, so we shouldn't even try. instead, do other things in your life, or rely on other people. people drop in and out of our lives at a startling rate. i've never quite been able to make sense of it all, nor have I been any good at letting people go. for me, i make friends my family, and no matter where you go in life, your family is always your family. friends should be the same way, at least that's how i view them. so when people i care about and have a distinct place in my life/heart slink their way out i'm left with this big question mark where they used to be. everybody gets used, everybody gets hurt. you can live without the high of nicotine very well, once you get used to not having it. for some its impossible to live without the emotion a person brings to them. maybe that's my problem.

"hi, i'm adam, and i'm addicted to people."

i've been used to people being i specific places in my life and when that gets jarred i get lost. part of that is because I, like others, base much of my reality, ney my happiness and life, on my relationships with people. when you put that much stock in someone and they fail you, it can all come crashing down. this isn't the healthiest way to live. i know other way to live, however. i love people. i'm continualy amazed at human ability and interactions. what's more, i've got a degree in teaching english, which is basically a degree in teaching communication. my goal as an english teacher is to help kids become better communicaters, with themselves and everyone else in the world, using written, spoken, and technological language tools. that didn't make sense did it? well its all beside the point anyway.

you get attatched to people because of the way they make you feel, both when you are around them and when you are not. they provide almost enough to live on soley. having emotions means that we, as humans, will become attatched to people...we can't help it. some are simply better at moving on from failed friendships and romantic relationships, or pretending the void isn't there, or filling it with other things or people. i've written stories and poems and posts about "missing persons". that's all these people are who come in and out of our lives, they are our missing persons.

the indigo girls have this great line..."you set your place in my thoughts, moved in and made my thinking crowded." which says a lot as to why we can't let people go.

i end with some inspiring harry chapin lyrics:

"And so we'd sleep to awake with dreams,
and promises to keep."