i reek of smoke. that sucks. i hate that smell, stale smoke of long gone cigarrettes lingering on the fabric of your clothes, the oils in your hair, the surface of your skin. yuck. hung out with jay, matt, greg, and amy. watched them engulf numerous doses of pot, with various marlboros sandwhiched in between. i declined the invitations to join in. i'm a bit tired right now, and not feeling all that well. i picked something up, some cold thing from my mom from the trip. its a bit of cough, which sucks. too much to do to feel ill right now.

the trip was, well, it was mostly relaxing and gave me much of the renewal i believe i was needing. indeed, i think once i get back to my apartment and gobs of overflowing mail i shall feel ready to start anew, with no clear idea how to do it. i do need to get back though. need to see some friends. need to do some cooking, so working out. gotta drop some weight folks. one thing i took from the trip is a great desire for female companionship. that, i determined, is something i sorely miss and desire to find. i miss everything about romance and envy to no end the happy couples walking on the beach, not to mention the *added extra benefits* that being in a relationship affords. whatever my reasons for thinking i wasn't ready or good for someone, well, fuck all that i suppose. now its time to go meet some people, though i wonder how i'll fare with the ever growing hair and newly sported beard. i doubt i'm that appealing right now, but its fun to be furry.